Until I Find Home
by ocean-view-luffy
Summary: Merry and Pippin have each other, but Sam has no one. Life on the Shire for those who have ventured outside becomes stifling, and Sam longs to share his life with someone who understands him. He realizes this isn't Rosie, but Frodo, and he can only be happy once reunited with him. This is his journey to the undying lands to proclaim his love to the one hobbit who was always there.
1. When a Hobbit is Perfectly Content

Until I Find Home

Chapter 1: When a Hobbit is Perfectly Content

As far as he could tell you, Samwise Gamgee was content. He had his own home on the Shire, a beautiful wife and child, stable job and food on the table. A life a hobbit could be content with. But that was the problem...

He was just content.

It had been years since Sam accompanied Frodo and the Fellowship to Mordor, and years since he'd felt joyous about something. Seeing the world outside the Shire made his home feel...small. Not hobbit-sized, but small and desolate. Even with the bustling about Rosie and his toddler did, Sam couldn't help but feel that the house was always quite empty. But empty it wouldn't be for much longer, as Rosie startled him out of thought. "Sam, quickly, go get the candles. They'll be over any minute!" she breathed, scuttling out of the room in a hurry. Despite the rushed tone, Sam hoisted himself out of his seat slowly and started towards the cupboards. "Which do you want, the white ones or the blue ones?" "The white ones" "And the gold candlesticks" "Yes the gold-" A knock interrupts them "That's them! Sam, Sam! Go put them on the table and light them, I'll get the door"

"Merry! Pippin! How are you!" Rosie chimed, greeting the guests in the other room. Sam beamed, lighting the candles as he heard them return the greeting. The flickering candle light seemed to soak up the warmth of their voices and bask the room in a familiarity Sam missed. The turned into the dining room, arms spread wide.

"Sam Gamgee!"

"Sam Gamgee!"

"We hardly missed you" "Well hardly meaning very hard. Like someone hit you with a loaf of stale bread across the face" "How've you been? Watching grass grow?" Sam smiled at their back and forth, neither of them realizing they were 20 questions deep into a conversation and Sam hadn't spoken a word yet. "Its good to see you too" he finally spoke up. The two were now completely off topic, babbling on about a fishing trip they had had last week. Merry was going on about how Pippin managed to capsize their boat as Rosie brought out the food. "And I'm sitting in the water screaming 'Pippin! Why'd you go and do that for?' And he turns to me..oh he turns to me and says 'It wasn't me! It was a giant wave!' The loon stand up in the boat and all of a sudden a giant wave hits us, yeah right"

Rosie puts down her fork. "So you do, word has it you're looking to move? Is that true?" Sam snapped his head round. The two blondes stifled a giggle. "Ahh you can't keep secrets here. Umm, Pippin and I are quite happy together here, but are currently looking for something else." Rosie cocked her head to the side. "Elsewhere? But you live on such a lovely hill." Pippin's face became sullen "Yes, well, the hillside isn't the problem." Sam understood completely. Hobbiton wasn't particularly good with dealing with "outside". Outside the Shire there was war, discrimination, unrest. But the hobbits of Hobbiton never fully understood that the bad was even matched with the good. Beautiful elves, valiant humans, people who cared enough about their friendships that they put aside cultural differences. Merry and Pippin knew this, as did Sam.

"Of course not, your parents built such a lovely home there. Never too warm, never too cold" Sam's gut wretched at Rosie's response. It wasn't terribly rude, just terribly hobbit like. Polite, ignorant, sheltered... Sam had long given up on his dreams of sharing outside with Rosie. When they were first married, he used to take her on long walks. One time he managed to stroll her all the way to the edge of the Shire. He stepped over the line, and reached out a hand for her. Rosie pulled away, and scolded Sam for trying to take her outside. Sam had never found a hobbit willing to step outside the Shire- not since Frodo left.

Frodo...oh how he missed him.

Merry jumped in with an attempt to salvage the conversation "Well, in any case, I hear the price of luxury homes in Mordor are extremely affordable." Pippin snorted, and playfully slugged Merry's shoulder. Merry threw a wink at Sam, who managed to smile through the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He watched the two blondes move together as they spoke. Whenever Pippin seemed low, Merry seemed to perk him up. There was playful tapping, nudging, jokes, smiles. Sam smiled, but couldn't ignore that nagging feeling deep down inside him. This was all coming to an end.

Merry and Pippin seldom left their hillside home to go visit people, as the time "outside" made them cracked. They could no longer engage in simple hobbit activities without hobbits once they'd told all their stories. At the end of the day, the rest of the hobbits went home with romanticized tales of war and loyalty, while the boys suffered through nightmares of their time outside. But none the less they made life bearable. They had each other. When they were out, they were attached at the hip; fishing, shopping, taking long walks to the outside of the Shire and back. They often took long weekends to neighboring towns. Sam had noticed it little by little, their drifting away from him. They got further and further, and ultimately they would detach themselves from here and fly free.

Hadn't they already decided upon it?

After dessert, second dessert, and a few casks of ale, the hobbits concluded their little dinner date. Rosie started to clear the table, and their guests put on their coats. "Rosie, dear, I'm going to walk them out a bit." "Ok!". They exited the house and traveled up the path towards the hills. "So the misses and I loved having you over. Luckily Lucy was so tuckered out that she slept right through it, huh." Merry smirked, but let it fall quickly. "Sam, I'm sorry we didn't tell you...about our leaving. We didn't mean for anyone to find out until we were ready and decided, but word gets out here quickly." Sam fidgeted with his cloak nervously. "Its alright, fellas. You're my friends, am I right? I'd expect you to tell me at some point." Pippin trotted next to the gardener. "We'll always be here for you, Sam. But the Shire just...it just isn't..." "It isn't a place for cracked hobbits" Their pace slowed to a stop, and Sam glanced back at the light spilling out of his home. "I...ought to start back now." Pippin rested a hand on the hobbit's shoulder. "Sam, if you're not...happy...you can always come find us. No questions asked, you can stay with us in or out of town." Sam smirked "Out of town? Why, do you have a secret house somewhere, Pippin?" A mischievous smile crawled across Pippin's face. "Not a home, exactly, more like an empty building I want to put my stuff in." Merry laughed. "Its where we run off to on long weekends."

Merry produced a piece of paper with an address scribbled upon it. "Like we said, if you're all that unhappy and need to get away for a while come find us." Sam glanced down at the paper. "Mirkwood? You're living in Mirkwood? Have you seen-" "Legolas? Yes. When he's with Aragorn." "Gets a little weird when they speak Elvish though" "It's like we're not part of that club, so we made up our own Hobbit Code using foods as code words." Sam laughed. It was just like these two. He tucked the paper away into his pocket and turned towards his friends. "I hope to see you soon. Thank you so much."

The two blondes locked arms with each other, and then reached out to hug Sam. "Til' next time, old pal."

As his friends disappeared down the road, Sam slipped back into the warm pools of light streaming out the windows of the hobbit hole. Glancing inside he could see Rosie, now done clearing the table, sitting cozily in a chair reading. That annoying feeling came back again, but Sam swallowed it and came into the house. "Uhhh Rosie, dear?" "Yes?" "I have to stop by Bag End for a spell." "But its night time" "I...I know. I think I just left my spade there. I need it for tomorrow." "Oh ok then."

With that he hurried out of the hobbit hole and onto the dirt path, making his way down to the only place in Hobbiton that still welcomed him...

[A/N] This is my first LOTR and Sam/Frodo fic (all in one, how exciting) so please read and review. I'd love feedback!


	2. The End at Bag End

Until I Find Home

Chapter 2: The End at Bag End

Sam opened the little wooden gate that led to the garden at Bag End. The lights were off, and the house looked cold and empty. That's because it was. For about two years now to be exact. Frodo had left to sail for the undying lands, and the estate at Bag End was left to rot and crumble into disrepair. Hobbits are fascinatingly polite creatures, though. Instead of putting the estate up for sale, the other hobbits left the home alone- genuinely believing Bilbo and Frodo will return from another adventure. With no one intruding on Bag End, Samwise made it his duty to upkeep the property. People often asked him why he did it, and would tell them it was to keep it fresh and clean for 's return, or that up kept gardens make for nice hobbit holes...but he really just went there to feel comforted.

Inside the home Sam picked up a little tool box he left on the dining room table. There was still mail addressed to the Baggins' from years ago. Bilbo's old books cluttered the shelves, and their furniture was all in place. It indeed looked like they were on a long holiday, despite the truth. Sam sighed and started doing a little up keeping, starting with fixing the hinges on the armoires and dressers.

"Where'd my life go wrong?" he said aloud. Things had gotten so complicated along the way Sam found it hard to keep a smile on his face. "Was it when I left the Shire? Everyone else would think so...but I don't." He moved onto another hinge "I don't at all. I'm glad I left. needed me, he wouldn't have gotten there without me." Another hinge. "That's always how it was, I guess. Just me and since we were kids... he was always the adventurous one. Always looking forward to Gandalf's visits. Always getting me to do things hobbits don't normally do." Like explore...

Sam followed the line of hinges blindly, not really paying attention to where he was, but more on the task. He had spent so many years at Bag End that he knew the place inside and out, and trusted that even in the unlit home he would be able to find his way arou- THUD. Sam's foot connected with an old trunk and sent him flying into the air. To his surprise, he landed on the soft cushy pillows of a bed. "Wh-what?" Sam had been so focused that he had forgotten to look out for clutter. The large trunk that only moved slightly belonged to Frodo Baggins. Looking around, Sam could see he was in Frodo's old room. The blonde smiled, and lay back onto the soft bedding. "Frodo..." He remembers this room well.

When Frodo was small, Bilbo surprised him with a new bed set. It wasn't like any bed a hobbit had ever seen, because Bilbo got it from outside. It was an average human bed size, which meant Frodo had to hop up onto his trunk in order to crawl into bed at night- but he loved it. Sam remembers the few sleepovers they had as kids, where they would spend their days climbing up a rope to their bed fort and their nights sleeping protected by its height. Even as a gown hobbit, Frodo still needed to hop onto the trunk to gain access to his bed. Sam smiled and sank into the sheets. "I bet you miss this bed, Mr. Frodo... You may see a hundred ones like it around the world, but none will feel quite like this." The room had a cold, blueish-gray hue to it as moonlight poured through the pane glass window of the hobbit hole. As much as Sam wanted to stay in this bed, he realized there was something else at Bag End that needed his help.

He trotted out of the house and rounded the back garden to a little makeshift flower bed. The flowers there were just seedlings, and would be transferred into bigger flower beds once they matured and flourished. The blonde knelt beside the bunch. In the mass of tiny red and green flowers stood out one lone flower. It wasn't mixed among the crowd, but was rooted near the corner of the flower bed. While the other seedlings have closed their buds and hung their heads with sleep, this flower stood tall with open petals in the moonlight. It was a tiny, six petaled flower of pure white moonlight. Its center was a rich blue hue Sam had never seen before, except maybe for Frodo's eyes. That's why this flower,of all the flowers in the garden, was most important.

When Sam and Frodo had parted at the docks, this tiny seed clung to Sam's cloak. He'd noticed it soon after Frodo set sail, and kept it safe- just curious as to what would grow. He had never seen such a flower bloom, and even went through the trouble of contacting other gardeners and botanists in the elvish forests to find out where it came from. When no positive id came back, Sam dedicated the budding beau to Frodo- who had given him this great gift unintentionally. "I always feel silly when I come here and think about you, Mr. Frodo. The other hobbits would think me right cracked if I told them I named a flower after you." The tiny flower swayed in the midnight breeze, like it was listening.

It was there, in the garden, that the hobbit completely broke down. "I'm so sorry, , I really am. I wanted you to think I'd be ok, and you always helped me out. But I'm not. I'm not ok, this isn't ok. I can't keep coming here like this... skulkin' in your house, sitting in this garden. I have a wife, I have a child." Tears were clouding his eyes, and the image of the flower became distorted. "But what I really want, what I really really want no matter who says otherwise...is you."

And that was it wasn't it?

"All I really wanted...was you. To have sleep overs again, to keep you safe...see you smile. Doesn't even have to be here at Bag End. Actually- I'd prefer it not to be in the Shire at all. No matter where we are we can make a home. Merry and Pippin are doing a right fine job at that too, and it didn't take them two years to realize. I've made a terrible mistake leaving you for Rosie...terrible mistake not even telling you how much I cared. But not anymore." Sam took his spade and started to carve into the dirt around his flower. "I'm coming for you, Mr. Frodo. So you better be ready at the docks of the undying land, because your Sam is coming home."

Home...

"Oh no...Rosie...what'll I do?" Sam delicately transferred his flower into a little travel sized pot, and passed it from hand to hand. "Nothing much I can do... she won't understand." That night, Samwise Gamgee entered his home silently and packed a trunk. He kissed his sleeping child goodbye, and left a note on the table. No words Sam could muster would be able to break the news to her, so the note just read "Goodbye, I'm sorry."

"Here I come, Mr. Frodo"

-TBC-

[A/N] Thanks for reading! I do appreciate feedback, as it helps me know what you guys are liking/concerned about. haha I also just like reviews.


	3. Moving Right Along

Until I Find Home

Chapter 3: Moving Right Along

By daybreak, Sam had managed to make it to the edge of the Shire. He had sped to its border, not stopping to rest that night. The weight of everything was still heavy upon him, and the gardener did not feel it would lift until he was someplace Rosie or other hobbits would be able to get ahold of him.

The road ahead would be considerably long, but he intended on getting to Mirkwood as soon as possible. He had two choices; go through the Old Forest and over the mountains or walk to the gap in the mountains past Isengard. Now having reached the border, Sam set down his trunk and evaluated his supplies. He had packed clothes, and some pots, but his food provisions were low. While he could hunt or gather food, it would take valuable time away from his journey. He figured he could scavenge along the way, taking plants he could eat on the go. The blonde sat down in the soft grass, placing his hands on his temples. "I only have enough to go over the mountain." Taking the mountains would cut two to three days off his trip, but it would be barren. If Sam did deplete his supplies, he'd be fasting until he reached the forest line of Mirkwood.

"Well then I guess I better start off. No sense in sticking 'round here." Sam made his way into the Old Forest, observing how the sunlight danced with the leaves. It left a patchwork of leaf-shaped shadows on the forest floor. As the blonde marched through he could feel the fresh breeze shake the leaves, and engulf him in that shimmering warm and cool quilt the Old Forest created. "Ah, , it's shaping up to be a mighty fine day. Not a cloud in the sky. Reminds me of that time you and I went berry picking."

A short time after Sam had befriended the Baggins boy, the two went berry picking in the rich fields of the Shire. It couldn't have been a more perfect day. The sky was bright blue, and cloudless. It perfectly complemented the rich green foliage of the short strawberry bushes and the sweet red fruit hanging. The two hobbits had collected a large bucket each, filled to the brim with strawberries. "This should be enough for today. My mam says she's going to make some jam for your Uncle Bilbo, Mr. Frodo." Frodo was busy eating the strawberries that threatened to fall out of his bucket. "All of them will be jam?" he managed to say. Sam wiped a bit of dirt off his face. "Well, only my bucket. Yours is for you to eat fresh or with cream and what have you." The smaller hobbit's face lit up, his lips stained reddish by the fruit. "You're the best Sam- oh, hey, what's this?"

Frodo tapped a large wooden pole. The pole extended high above the plants, and had a very oversized watering can attached to it. "Oh, my dad thought that up. See how there are poles like this all over the garden? They're all connected by ropes. All my dad has to do it pull on one of the ropes here, or at the house, and the cans tip over and waters the strawberries. That way my dad doesn't take a million trips to the well watering each one individually." He watched Frodo's wide blue eyes looks at the contraption with fascination. "Wow, that's so-" "AH, WATCH OUT" Frodo managed to trip over his bucket of strawberries, and flailing about pulled on the rope. Simultaneously, the large watering cans across the field tipped over and started to spill their contents. A cascade of water drenched the two little hobbits, sending them flying. "Mr. Frodo, are you alright!" Sam yelled at the water rushed around them. "I'm fine, Sam!" "Here, let me help you up-" Sam's feet slipped in the now muddy field, sending him face first into the strawberry plant. "Sam! Hahaha, do you need he-" Frodo slips trying to get up as well. The two hobbits struggled trying to right themselves in the mud, but to no avail. "Looks like we're crawling out of this field. Ain't no way we're getting good footing with all this water raining down." "Already ahead of you, Sam" Frodo was pulling himself through the mud on his stomach. His likeness to a seal on dry land made Sam laugh. When the two finally made it onto dry land they looked like they'd been through hell. The front of their shirts stained with mud and grass, surrounded by smears of red crushed strawberries. Sam's mam almost had a fit when she found out, and Sam's father laughed it off...told them to go hose off before entering the house again.

"The hose water was cold, I remember that much. Mam didn't even let me come inside and take a proper bath until all the mud was gone." Sam concluded, aloud. The wind whistled through the trees, and Sam took his flower out from under his cloak to get some light. "I really should fashion something for you so you get some sunlight, and not that dank ol' pocket." The mountains grew nearer as Sam journeyed, but not in time for sundown.

Feeling the end of the day draw near, Sam looked for shelter for the night. After descending a small hill he found a pond surrounded by thick fauna and trees. "Isn't this a pretty spot." he said, dropping the heavy bags from his shoulders. "And nice and cool here too." Sam set up a fire and started to cook a small supper for himself. "Ah, thank goodness I brought potatoes. I'm never doing a trip without 'em again." But the potatoes would take some time to boil, and Sam found himself looking at the pond. "Well, I ought to freshen up while I have the chance." The hobbit stripped down and left his clothes at the side of the pond. Dipping his foot in, Sam could feel that this pond started off quite deep. None the less, he slid in and rested his back against the edge where the rough turf stuck out. "Its deeper than a bath tub, that's for sure" The water was like a silvery mirror catching the rich sunset in it's rippling surface, and Sam began to think again. Sometimes about the trip, but mostly about Frodo.

Frodo...

Come to think of it, Sam hadn't gone bathing in a pond or lake for quite a few years. When he was younger, it was ok to go swimming in your underwear or less on hot summer days. He would bring Frodo along and they'd swing off branches into the water together. But as they got older and matured, the idea of having to strip down got more and more awkward. So they never went swimming spontaneously. One day, however, Sam had been walking the long path to the far fields of the Shire when he spotted a boot on the side of the road. Cautiously, the hobbit approached the discarded boot. The elders had been talking of how others from outside sometimes entered the outskirts of the Shire-possibly to rob traveling hobbits. "Hello, anyone there?" Sam called. He bent down to inspect the shoe, and recognized it. "This can't be... ? ?" The blonde whipped his head around looking for the other hobbit. His eye caught sight of a green cloak sticking out from a tree hole down at the bottom of a hill. "Oh no, oh no. ..." The gardener raced own the small-but very steep- hill to find his friend. " ! , where are yo-" Sam had stopped at the edge of a small pond, where his eyes fell upon a very startled, very naked, Frodo. His dark locks were weighed down around his face, and his skin was soft and pale. Sam's eyes roved over his body, stunned but also quite embarrassed to catch him.

"S-SAM!"

The hobbit submerged himself in the pond, covering his nudity. "I-I-I'm so sorry, ! I didn't see anything, honest. I- I saw your things and thought you'd been robbed and carried off" The blonde covered his eyes, and stumbled up the hill. "I'll just be going".

Sam now sat in the pond and relished the image he took in that day. He'd felt bad that he fibbed to Frodo about not seeing too much. In fact, he'd seen everything. The soft skin that was stretched delicately over muscle and bone. The sharp protrusion of his hip bone, slowly descending into the V that led to other parts Sam blushed thinking about. Sam fantasized about how it would feel to pull Frodo close, and let his hands roam around the other hobbit's frame. Slowly, without realizing, Sam's hand sank from the spot on his chest, beneath the water's surface and in between his legs. He closed his eyes and rested his head back on the turf, feeling his hand wrap around his appendage.

"Oh, ..."

Suddenly, Sam was thrusted out of his fantasy and into the depths of the pond. Startled, Sam kicked broke the surface in hurry. At the surface, everything was silent. The hobbit searched around, trying to pinpoint sounds of an attacker. "Hello! Who's there?" It had felt as if someone grabbed ahold of his foot-but that's impossible. "I said who's there?!" "I am." Sam flinched as his eyes set upon what looked like...a talking coy fish. "A-are you...a fish?" "Yes, what a great observation." it retorted. Sam's face scrunched up in anger. "And a rude fish at that. What's the big idea disturbing someone in the bath? You a pervert fish or something?" The coy splashed about the surface angrily. "Pervert?! Me?! I was trying to enjoy a nice dinner with my family until you dropped yourself into our home with your lewd display." Sam splashed at the fish. "Lewd display?! Oh-" Sam's face turned scarlet. He'd been touching himself. He'd been touching himself in front of this creature and his family. "I-I-I am so sorry, . I didn't know this was your home..." "Damn straight, you perverted hobbit. You've upset my wife!" Sam searched for a means to cover himself. He grabbed a fistful of floating kelp and pressed it over his now quivering manhood. "I really am so-" "THAT'S MY WIFE" Sam screamed and threw the kelp away from his groin. "He...he did things to me..." it whispered to the fish. "PERVERTED HOBBIT." Sam, afraid to even stick around, scrambled out of the pond and onto dry land. "I'm so sorry, don't hurt me!" The fish splashed some water in his direction, then took its traumatized kelp wife and dove beneath the surface, leaving Sam naked and embarrassed on the shore. "I...I just...oh dear." The hobbit put on his clothes in a hurry, then sat down to check on his food. Maybe some stew would help clear his mind.

"Oh great. I over boiled the taters."

-TBC-

[A/N] Lots of author's notes today. Number one, I want to clear up any misconceptions you may have about this fic. This is a Sam/Frodo with slight Merry/Pippin. When I mentioned Legolas and Aragorn, I did not mean they were a couple. Aragorn is with Arwen, and Legolas travels between Mirkwood and Gondor to help out. They are friends, and when they visit Mirkwood, its to help Aragorn relax.

Two, I'm not spelling "Mom" wrong in this fic. I chose to write it as "Mam" for the purposes of accent.

Three, This chapter is extra long because I will be m.i.a for a week or so. So enjoy the steamy stuff I left you with.

Thank you, and as always...shameless author wants to see reviews because it makes her feel pretty. *head desk*


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